Part of living is coming to grips with death – our own and those around us. I am in the unique, privileged position of walking beside those who are dying, along with their family and friends. Sometimes I do not become involved until receiving a call from a family member or close friend asking for help in planning a funeral. However, there are many times I am indeed privileged to walk with the patient and their loved ones through the dying process. I have recently spent time with a very courageous couple who are daily facing her impending death, and doing so with grace, dignity, pain, suffering, humor, faith, and hope. I watch him care for her with tenderness, and I’m sure behind-the-scenes grief and frustration. I watch her exhibit the grace to receive in the midst of her failing health.
I am reminded of the passage in II Corinthians that describes them so well:
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” Part of the pain of dying is the wasting away of our bodies, and this passage reminds us of the hope of Heaven, the promise of renewal and the confidence of eternity.
Often we shy away from discussing the practical, ‘nitty gritty’ pieces of the dying process.
Here are a few ‘special problems’ the family and patient may have to deal with:
> Progressive physical decline - and the emotions that are integral.
> Numerous remissions and relapses and the psychological reactions that arise with
each.
> Long periods of uncertainty and fear and pain.
> Dilemmas about treatment choices.
> Intensive treatment regimens and their side effects.
> Pre and post-treatment anxiety. (What next? Or...knowing what to expect and
dreading it!)
> Lengthened periods of anticipatory grief (the continual ups and downs - the emotional
roller-coaster ride for patient and family.)
> Increased financial, spiritual, social, physical, and emotional pressures.
> Choices surrounding hospice care.
> Loneliness, for both the patient facing this final journey and for the family anticipating
separation.
> The need to be able to talk and to be assured that someone will listen to your story,
whether you are the patient or the family or friends.
> End-of-life issues, such as family discussions about discontinuance of life support.
Special note: If a family has never openly discussed these issues, their trauma will be
multiplied and amplified.
We can only imagine what awaits us. May God grant us the privilege of ‘imagining with others’ what lies ahead and being used by Him during this final journey.
*For more on ministering during the final journey, I invite you to look at blog posts - August 30, 2010 - and August 23, 2010.